It’s completely normal to feel frustrated or stuck if your ex tells you that they don’t want to try mediation. You might have hoped it could help you both move forward, and now it feels like you’re hitting a wall. The first thing to know is that mediation is voluntary, so it’s not something anyone can be forced into. But that doesn’t mean all hope is lost! There are still things you can do, and we can do to encourage them to give it a go.
Help Them Understand What Mediation Is:
Most people say no to mediation simply because they don’t know enough about it. others might think it’s about winning and losing, like in a court case. But mediation is the opposite; it’s about working together with the help of a Mediator to find solutions that work for both of you.
You could explain some of the benefits, like::
Quicker and much less expensive than going to court by months and sometimes years!
A way to stay in control of decisions, rather than having a judge decide.
A calmer, more cooperative approach—especially helpful if you’re co-parenting.
You don’t need your Ex’s permission to apply for mediation, it is a good idea to let them know that you intend to reach out to a mediator, and let them know that the first step in the mediation process is for each of you to attend a MIAM. You can try to encourage them to attend a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM). After all this is just an informal 1-1 session to explain more about the situation that you are looking to resolve, and for you to learn more about the options, with no obligation to commit to joint mediation sessions.
Show You’re Willing and let us reach out to your Ex
Even if your ex tells you that they won’t mediate it’s still worth attending a MIAM yourself. If you are considering a court application then it is a requirement for you to attend a MIAM (except in exceptional circumstances).
This shows you’re willing and committed to trying to resolve things, and it is very normal for our mediators to speak to ex-partners who initially appear resistant to attending, and for them to help to break down the barriers that we know often exist for people considering taking part.
Judges expect parents to have explore mediation first and to apply to court only as a last resort. In many cases, the court may pause proceedings and suggest your ex attends a MIAM after all.
Think About Other Options
If mediation really isn’t possible after we have tried speaking to them, there are other ways to move forward. At the MIAM the Mediator will tell you about the different options that may be available to you, for example, you could try arbitration or collaborative law, depending on your situation. Each option works a little differently so it is important to consider the options the mediator shares with you.
Lastly if you have kids Focus on them
If you’ve got children, keeping them at the heart of discussions can make a big difference. It’s easy for conflicts to become about “you vs. them,” but focusing on what’s best for your children often helps shift the conversation.
Child Inclusive Mediation can be really helpful here. It gives your kids a chance to share how they’re feeling in a neutral space, which can help you both work out what’s best for them. You could mention this option to your ex if it feels right.
Sorting things out with your ex can be tough, but you don’t have to do it alone. If you’re thinking about mediation or just want to know more about your options, we’re here to help. Get in touch by calling us at 0330 33 22 488 or emailing admin@familyandfinancemediationfirst.co.uk.
